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Different types of violence can be intertwined (psychological, physical, sexual, online, peer bullying).

Violence usually goes through four phases (a period of rising tension, an outbreak of violence, a period of justification, a period of peace and tenderness).

Victims of violence often suffer both physical and psychological consequences.

A victim of violence can turn to various non-governmental organizations, social work centers, the police and a safe house for help.

When you see violence, don’t ignore it. Report it to the competent social work center or police station.

Violence rarely appears as a one-time act. Numerous and diverse forms of violence are most often intertwined, repeated and escalated and last for months, years, decades. Violence is control over the victim, which the bully effectively maintains through the use of physical, psychological, sexual and/or economic violence. It is a process in which the perpetrator of violence slowly but steadily limits the social life of the victim and destroys his self-image and self-respect. The victim’s social network is thus smaller and smaller and, as a result, she is more and more caught in the bully’s grip.

Violence usually takes place in four stages:

A period of increasing tension in the relationship.

The bully becomes impatient and snarky.

The bully places the responsibility for his anger on the victim.

It’s impossible to talk.

The tension becomes unbearable, the victim wants to appease the bully.

The bully’s demands on the victim escalate.

Outbreak of violence.

The tension escalates into a form of violence.

The victim is confused, trying to understand what happened.

The victim blames himself for not being able to calm the tension in time.

Apology period.

The bully apologizes to the victim for the violence caused.

He tells the victim that he cannot live without her, that she means everything to him and that he will get better.

The bully promises that he will improve, that he will no longer hit, despise, insult, threaten the victim,…

Places the blame for the violence on the victim (eg “if you hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t have hit you).

The abuser denies that he was violent and convinces the victim that it is not as bad as she thinks it is.

A period of peace, tenderness, “honeymoon”.

The victim feels better and believes that everything bad is finally over.

The victim is convinced that she will be able to prevent new outbreaks of violence if she behaves well enough.

The perpetrator of the violence buys the victim gifts and gives her a lot of attention.

The “honeymoon” period eventually fades away

A new period of increasing tension follows, and the cycle of violence thus closes.

Mental violence

Mental or emotional violence includes behavior and conduct by which the perpetrator of the violence causes fear, humiliation, a sense of inferiority, threat and other mental distress. It is an ongoing pattern of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, behaviors and influences that make the victim feel unworthy, unloved, undesired.

Psychological violence in partner relationships usually occurs after the romantic phase and often escalates into physical violence. Leaving such a relationship takes a long time, and sometimes it doesn’t even happen. The usual advice and measures of those close to the victim do not open the victim’s eyes, because the victim himself has to come to the point where he admits that he needs help. Most of the time, such toxic relationships involve people who went through similar experiences in their childhood – they could have been victims of physical, emotional or sexual violence.

Examples of psychological violence:

Humiliation.

Regret.

Screaming

Attribution of responsibility or blame.

Ridicule and scorn.

Silence as a means of pressure.

Threats.

Isolation from friends or family.

Prohibition of possession of things or animals that are extremely important to the victim.

Destroying things that mean a lot to the victim.

Suspicion.

Stalking.

Creating a climate of fear.

Bullying messages via phone, internet, online networks.

Attribution of negative characteristics, manifested as constant criticizing, sarcasm, hostility, or blaming the victim.

Have you found yourself in a toxic partner relationship where psychological violence is present? Recognize the warning signs:

Your partner constantly embarrasses you in front of others.

Your partner criticizes everything you do.

He constantly finds fault with you and makes you feel like you’re not doing anything right.

He always makes mean jokes about you.

Your partner tries to control your every move and your every word.

He doesn’t care about your feelings and often says that you are too sensitive or that you are wrong.

It constantly oppresses you and tells you that your dreams, goals and desires are unimportant and stupid.

Your partner thinks you’re incompetent and always knows what’s best for you.

He blames you for his bad mood, his unhappiness and problems.

It makes you feel guilty because you want to see friends, family, or because you want to go somewhere alone.

He always says that you are not good enough for him and that he can find someone better.

He is always right and always does things his way.

He also always controls your finances in order to control your actions.

He constantly calls and texts you to see who you’re hanging out with and what you’re doing.

Physical violence

Physical violence is any use of force that causes pain, fear or humiliation to the victim, regardless of whether or not injuries are caused.

Examples of physical violence:

Pushing.

Slap.

Hairdressing.

Punches.

Kicking.

Hand wringing.

A beating.

Assault with a knife or other weapon.

Hitting the head on the floor or wall.

Strangulation.

Dragging on the floor.

Causing burns with cigarettes.

Sexual violence

Sexual violence is represented by actions with a sexual content, to which the victim objects, is forced into them or, due to his level of development (children), does not understand their meaning. In the case of sexual violence, the prevailing misconception is that the perpetrator is usually a stranger who is supposed to attack the victim in a “dark street” and use physical force in the attack. In fact, sexual violence most often happens at home behind four walls.

Examples of sexual violence:

Inappropriate looks, comments, solicitation.

Any unwanted touching (clothing, hair, body) or patting, pinching, body rubbing, hugging, kissing.

Sexual assault or forced sexual intercourse – rape.

Forcible performance of sexual acts with penetration or objects.

Forced masturbation.

Incest or incest.

Unwanted solicitation, sexual advances, or coercion into sexual activity.

Repetitive suggestions for hanging out, dating.

Obscene comments about appearance, use of obscene language or gestures (whistling).

Stories, jokes or suggestive comments with sexual content.

Bragging about sexual exploits.

Sent materials with sexual content, forced viewing of pornography.

Offensive flirting.

Sexually suggestive gestures or staring at body parts.

Telling lies or spreading rumors about a person’s sex life.

Sexist jokes (e.g. about blondes and bald men).

Economic violence

Economic violence is the unjustified control and restriction of a family member or partner in the disposal of income.

Examples of economic violence:

Failure to contribute to the overall budget.

Failure to pay child support.

Forcible taking of money.

Preventing access to funds.

Withdrawal of bank cards, income or social assistance funds.

Control over purchases.

Blackmail.

Preventing the search for employment.

Peer persecution – bullying

Peer bullying is a special form of violence by children/adolescents against their peers. It’s about repeated misbehavior of one over the other. This type of violence can manifest as physical, social and/or psychological persecution.

Examples of peer bullying:

Aggressiveness.

Violent behavior.

Despicable behavior.

Slander.

Extortion of money or other property.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is violence by one or more people against another person or group online. Cyberbullying, cyberbullying or cyberharassment are most common among teenagers. It often involves sending, posting and sharing negative or harmful content about someone to embarrass or humiliate them.

Examples of cyberbullying:

Offensive messages and comments directed at a specific person.

Exclusion from groups – in this group, a specific person is discussed and slandered, which is also clearly known to the victim of this type of violence.

Creating hate groups directed against a specific person.

The bully creates a fake profile of the victim and posts content in their name that embarrasses or humiliates the victim.

Intimate sharing and intimate blackmail.

Photographing and filming and publishing footage without permission.

Editing photos in an offensive way.

Offensive memes.

Hacking profiles.

Defamation, extortion and threats.

Password theft.

Online stalking (often turns into physical stalking).

Trolling – posting offensive, hateful and provocative messages against the victim.

Happy slapping – publishing videos of violence where someone attacks the victim, others record it and then post it online.

Sending violent or gruesome photos and videos.

Any cyberbullying leaves serious consequences for the victim, although in the vast majority of cases the victim does not show it. Cyberbullying causes distress to the victim, which can lead to depression, isolation and self-harm, as well as suicide.

What to do?

Dealing with the fact that you have been the victim of a bully is difficult. If you find yourself in a relationship where violence is present:

Tell someone what’s happening to you and don’t close yourself off.

Keep in touch with people and don’t isolate yourself.

When your partner is violent, lock yourself in the room and take the phone so you can call the police.

Protect your head and stomach during an outbreak of violence. If you can, call for help or run to your neighbors, who should call the police.

See a doctor immediately, who should write a medical certificate.

If possible, prepare things beforehand for an emergency/quick departure.

Report the offender to the police.

There is help. You are not alone. Gather the strength to leave and arrange a life without violence.