RCS – Business Default

With painful life experiences, when we lose something that is important to us, we feel sadness. It can be a person, object, health or even a status. The greater the attachment to what we lost, the more intensely we experience grief. At the same time, various responses appear, ranging from aggressiveness, hostility, self-criticism, to physical problems, feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and withdrawal. Grief helps us accept what has been lost, but it takes time for the emotional bond with the object of attachment to loosen. Some need more time, others less. The duration and manner of mourning varies from individual to individual, so we cannot evaluate it as right or wrong. When the loss is very large, e.g. when one’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship or the death of a loved one, there is mourning. We know five universal stages of grief that most people go through, but not necessarily all of them and not in that exact order.

The first stage of grieving is called denial of the situation. It is a normal reaction to an overwhelming emotion, namely a defense mechanism when we more or less consciously reject information related to a painful experience. It is a short-term response after a shock, when we block out difficult thoughts and try to hide from the facts, which protects us from great pain.

When we are faced with an inevitable reality for which we were not prepared, we feel extreme distress. Most often, we express it in the form of anger, that is, we get angry with ourselves and/or others. We can even get angry at the dying person for causing us such pain. Because we rationally realize that the accusation is not justified, we experience guilt and get even more angry.

Next comes the negotiation phase, when we come in contact with our powerlessness and vulnerability. Wanting to delay the inevitable, we try to compromise and negotiate with a higher power. We wonder if anything would be different if…

When we approach reality and try to accept it, we talk about the depression phase. Wrapped in grief, we try to withdraw and prepare for the divorce. It is a period of silence when we need reassurance, e.g. in the form of a hug.

At the very end of this process is acceptance, which not everyone achieves. Some cannot move past denial or anger and remain unreconciled. Only acceptance allows us to detach from what we have lost and feel peace. We can’t force it, it takes time. If we do not allow grief and other emotions to express themselves, we only prolong the healing process.