RCS – Business Default

Living with parents

 I am a 33-year-old girl. My life was marked by events that

 happened when I was about four years old. That was my first time

 raped. The rapes continued until the age of 12, at the age of 13 I went to

 foster family. Before that, I lived with my mother with my brother. It’s dad

 became homeless when I was seven years old. My mother was disabled

 retired and also mentally unstable. It used to be me and my brother

 also wanted to kill, she apologized the next day. She didn’t cook much, more

 other things came first for her. Sometimes she left for a few days

 and we were left alone. She changed partners a lot, and then

 was happening. This happened even when my father was still at home. I understand

 father, he could not live like this. It started and ended with alcohol

 with homelessness. My brother and I were secretly seeing my father,

 he was saving money to buy everyone a bag of candy. K

 we used to go with him by bicycle, my mother didn’t want me to have any contact with

 to them.

 Social services intervene

 Social started to delve into family matters because of her brother,

 because he didn’t go to school. Inappropriate company. I was a good girl,

 I also attended an extended stay, just not so soon

 at home. No one knew about my plight. I went to a speech therapist.

 The child sometimes says something and defends himself, preferably to a third person. So I did

 me too. I told her that from mom, the boys have to sleep with me.

 So the speech therapist posted the report anonymously on social media. Mami o

 she knew nothing about it. At the beginning of puberty, I also dressed more

 “boyish”. I didn’t feel good in the clothes they were wearing

 peers who wanted to show off their changed bodies. It is now

 of course differently. I’m a young woman and could ever be more feminine

 I dress up and feel good about it.

 Departure

 My brother and I went to the foster family together. She wanted to be social

 take away only him, but I said that I don’t want to live without him.

 Mom signed the papers the same day and gave us up. Later

 I learned that my father often went to social services and cried, where

 how are we doing, how is school. There were many minutes that I took

 raised when I was of age. Father died the year we went to

 foster family. It was in the newspaper. He hit his head on the pavement when he

 fell from his bicycle, and was dead on the spot. There must be little sadness

 looked too deeply into the glass. That day I had a stomach ache as if

 felt his departure.

 I was very quiet, fearful, I was afraid to go to the store alone, until

 some officials even more difficult. When my foster mother and I went to the store, I

 she always held her own. She said, look here, what’s for you, and I was over it

 with her for a minute. My brother was more lively, naughty, independent. He isn’t there

 was at home a lot. They wanted to get him to see a psychiatrist, because he needed it

 a little help for your nervousness, hyperactivity. The foster mother told them,

 that he doesn’t need a psychiatrist, that the girl needs him more, i.e. me.

 She was right. Even at the psychiatrist I was quiet, silent. First of all

 I was prescribed strong antidepressants, and after about half a year I

 slowly began to open. I couldn’t say much, but I did

 wrote first, then it was easier. When I started talking about mine

 life, everyone was speechless.

The foster family accepted us

 We felt at home in the foster family from the very first visit,

 accepted. That was in the spring. We were with them permanently in the summer.

 The foster mother had four children of her own and three additional children. She didn’t work

 the difference between hers and “ours”, so she told us. The term foster children

 she did not use as we were all hers. Some for weekends, some

 constantly. They were all boys, only one girl was among them. And this one

 the girl took me under her wing and commanded me because she saw that I was

 naive and fearful. The foster mother used to tell me what to do with her, don’t let go

 her. That’s how I also started to slowly grow as a person.

 Losses of dear people

 In the same year that I went to foster care, my biological father died. We have a funeral

 arranged with the help of Caritas, since there was no money, and the mother was not there at all

 didn’t want to hear anything about it. Of course, she wasn’t at the funeral. She was saying yes

 it’s all the father’s fault, which of course is not true. We were at the funeral with

 to the brothers, the foster mother, the foster mother and representatives of Caritas. He is a foster parent

 was also really great, I immediately got attached to him because I needed it

 father figure in life. Soon the foster father fell ill with cancer and

 died. There was no help for him, you know, a proud peasant man who went to

 to the doctor when it was too late.

 That’s when everything in me broke, collapsed, pushed out. All piled up

 anger, all humiliation, all sadness. The period of suicides began.

 I tried to do the first one about a week after the death of the foster parent. Took

 I am 70 of his pills. I already vomited them at home, poisoned

 I ended up in the hospital. The second was when I wanted to jump off a bridge

 above the highway. I was already a high school student at the time. Two girls came

 from the village and called someone. They just tied me up until the fire department arrived

 with some cables and ropes. I was also looking for myself during this time. Gearbox

 I, the boys, may have picked this up from my mother. I was looking for confirmation

 love. Mostly they also took advantage of my lability and searched

 mostly just sex.

 Over the edge this time

 The third suicide attempt was almost fatal for me. I jumped in

 water treatment plant by the lake. I thought the water would be deep enough

 for drowning. How wrong I was, it was less than knee length.

 But I jumped into a depth of six meters. I fainted after the jump,

 the water woke me up. Believe it or not, I saw the tunnel and on

 blinding white light at the end. I kind of woke up, first

 I didn’t feel any pain, I started crying. I told myself if I survive

 I will never do it again. I came out through the tunnels to the stream.

 I somehow got out of the water and tried to stand up on the grass. After

 a few attempts worked. Let me tell you that I had four vertebrae

 broken, heel crushed, ankle broken. I finally got up

 and then walked on the lawn, up on the macadam, where he was waiting for me

 brother. I think someone from above was protecting me, maybe even the deceased

 father or foster father, who knows. I also tried to cut my veins.

 I was in a psychiatric hospital three times because of suicide attempts.

 Despite my difficult life, I am in a psychiatric hospital during my stay

 finished the fifth level and then enrolled in college, but it didn’t work out.

 In the meantime, I won a poetry contest as a high school student. On

 the president of the country welcomed me to the solemn celebration. Everything is possible if it is possible

 he wants. Only will and hope.

The body has always communicated

 One more thing about health. At the end of elementary school, I had strong ones

 headaches. The headaches escalated into migraines. When I’m at night

 feelers behind the seat in the living room, they asked me what you don’t see.

 Sometimes I almost sat on someone because I just couldn’t see them.

 We went for check-ups. Night blindness was diagnosed. They found out

 also that I have retinitis pigmentosa, an eye disease that can lead to

 complete blindness. Now I can see 5-10 degrees centrally, tunnel vision.

 I am a blind person with residual vision, I also have a white cane.

 Even before the suicide attempts, I had dizziness. no wonder

 because I came to the foster family quite malnourished (150 cm, 34

 kg). Later I started losing consciousness. They found that I fell unconscious, syncope, and during head imaging, ischemic changes in

 to the head. I learned to live with fainting spells and headaches. I’m in between

 cracked her head a few times, requiring stitches. They are on my leg

 they did a bone graft because it festered. They also found a hole in the heart.

 Experiences make you stronger

 People who have gone through difficult trials look at things differently

 everyday problems. Some people give up and quit even with a minor problem,

 as they say, a gun in the corn or because of one scratch they rant.

 But you mustn’t give up. Difficult to get due to health issues

 a job. I have the status of a disabled person, i.e. the status of an unemployable person.

 I wanted to work in a store. They searched for four hours, but they didn’t find me

 took.

 Otherwise, you can sit at home and feel sorry for yourself, get busy, that’s all

 monotonous, but you like it better if you are active and in company. Over

 student service, I worked in various shops, selling

 vegetables on a stand, worked in a bakery, at a book stand and

 toys. One door closes, another opens. Today I work for

 an institution where disabled people are employed. I was also engaged, but I

 unfortunately it didn’t work out. It is better to end the relationship if you see that it is not mutual

 understanding. And that’s before you get married or have a baby.

 Now I have an understanding partner, with whom we have been together for several years

 year. I can share everything with him, I can trust him and we love each other. Anyone reading

 these lines… Know that you are worthy of love, capable, beautiful, unique,

 the way you are. Earn a good life, without pressure to nothing and

 humiliation. Every person has a soul, and the soul hurts.